Talk about conflicting emotions. I was a mess. I so valued Bobbo’s thoughtfulness and his kind, heart-warming words. I appreciated the praise for my work in this challenging job but it was tempered by the anguish I felt over my recent disastrous failure.
I let the tears fall as I pondered. I had had some ‘wins’ at camp. That was great. But this failure definitely seemed to outweigh my successes. Isn’t that always the case though?
How had I failed Tim? I considered. I had been distracted and forgotten entirely about Tim’s situation. What could I have done differently? How could I prevent it from happening again? Maybe if I took a notebook with me at all times? I could have made a note for myself to follow up. God knows it is so easy to forget things with multiple distractions. The camp environment was no different from a hospital setting in that regard! Granted, the distractions were different in nature, but there were definitely distractions! And, the aging brain didn’t help either. Truth be told, I was addicted to ‘To do’ lists, so this was a good possible solution. At work I made lists of tasks to be done by the end of my shift. Sometimes I had resorted to writing on my hand! I referred to these as ‘handy’ notes to myself. It worked though, at least briefly! Until I washed my hands again.
I grabbed some tissues, blew my nose and patted my eyes dry. I got up and looked in the top drawer and found a pad of sticky notes and a couple of gel pens. I could easily pack them in my backpack or tuck it into my pocket. Perfect.
“OK sister.” I said to myself.”Get a grip and move on.”